Tuesday, September 29

today i woke up at 4.30am, expecting the brother and i to leave the house at 4.45, but cuz he woke up only at 4.30 and takes damn long a time for a guy to wash up and he even did a last min bag check. we left the house at 5.10am. the only thing was that if i didnt have to fetch him to the airport i would have to wake up at 7am for my 830 lesson. i forgot that i was suppose to fetch him to the airport, so i slot myself in for tuesday's opening. so i was dying through my shift and i had to train a new crew so by 2pm my throat was running dry. it turned out that this crew was quite awesome, made my day. but cuz i decided to train him longer it got the other crew, aka boyfriend to throw a big fit that why did the new crew get such good treatment of getting more pay for his training. but the crew DID earn it by doing everything i asked/taught him to! what's frustrating is cuz i was in such a lack of sleep that i have serious short term memory loss. like when the boyfriend and i were in west coast macs. i was trying hard to recall where the hell did he park his car at, when i just alighted from 5mins ago. and i really had no clue. the boyfriend's temper was so bad that just worsen already shit day. my mom wasnt feeling well, i wanted to go home after work to do a meal for her, but he just picked me up to acc him for dinner cuz he wanted to. and there i was worrying abt my mom, but i had so much difficulty trying to explain why i allowed myself to train the new crew for a longer time. eventually my mom was so hungry till she got gastric. can u understand how i felt when she told me she had gastric cuz of e waiting? can u undersatnd how i felt when i was stuck in the peak hour jam while trying to get to the destination to buy food? and then later my mom said her teeth hurt cuz of heaty-ness. how unwell she felt everything. and i was just praying that i hope she doesnt go away too soon. in that way.

everytime im stress or upset and there's nothing else i can do to make things better, i'll just talk to ppl abt their problems, listen to their problems. hopefully listening to their problems can make mine feel so much smaller. even reading 5 pages of FML didnt really help tonight. besides worrying that i cannot cope being an awesome supervisor and an awesome student, im worrying a lot on how to self improve to piss the boyfriend off. and worrying that my patience for his temper and impatience is wearing thin. i dont like such worries at all.

besides that i feel quite stress that what i learn during lecture today is not stated in the subject guide, i worry that i forget my schedules. so i wrote them all down. but im afraid that i will miss out a thing or 2, especially if they're important.

in conclusion, im extremely stressed, worried and upset. but this is just a rant entry. i will be fine tmr. i have to be.